


falling a thousand feet per second

by peacockcock



Series: Untitled College AU [5]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-05
Updated: 2011-09-05
Packaged: 2017-10-23 10:36:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/249357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peacockcock/pseuds/peacockcock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place about five years after the college au ends. Kris and Adam are on their own and things aren't easy. (You don't need to read that before you read this. All you need to know is that they met in college and fell in love.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	falling a thousand feet per second

Kris slams bodily into the door to get it to open, sticking to the doorframe as it always does. He enters the small, dark room with that vile smell always lingering in the air; even after all these months, it still makes his stomach queasy.

Adam is nowhere in sight and he won’t be home for a few more hours. Ever since graduation, they’ve had the same routine almost every day. Kris works until he can no longer feel his feet, grabbing every extra shift he can just to pay his share of the bills, while Adam has rehearsal all day and his bartending job at night.

Kris can’t remember the last time they spent more than two conscious hours together.

The bread on the counter is past its expiration date but there is no mold so Kris assumes it is safe to eat. Adam finished the jelly off yesterday, leaving Kris with nothing but a stale peanut butter sandwich for dinner.

God, he misses his mama’s spaghetti.

His stomach growls even after he swallows the last bite of his sandwich. The cupboards are nearly empty and they can’t go shopping until Friday when Adam gets his paycheck. He figures he can sleep off the hunger and have some toast and eggs when he wakes up.

The water in the shower is always cold, but it still makes Kris feel better to wash everything from today off his skin. He stands with his face up, letting the cold water splash over his face until it starts to sting. Kris dries off and pulls on his boxers before crawling into bed, their only luxury. No matter how horrible their living conditions are, there is no way Adam could survive without the most fabulous bed in Los Angeles.

The small nightlight next to the bed is just bright enough to let Kris make out the picture on the nightstand. It’s of him and Adam three years ago, looking so happy that it makes Kris’s chest hurt. In Adam’s arms is their puppy Darla that they had to give to Leila because they could no longer afford to take care of her. He feels the guilt almost every day for having to give her away.

Their lives aren’t what they used to be, the days they spent with nothing more than music and alcohol and sex feel like so long ago. It’s not that Kris is unhappy now because there is nowhere else he’d rather be than with Adam, sharing and building their life together.

It’s just that he’s _tired_. All he wants is a day off that coincides with Adam’s so they can spend the day in bed, touching and learning each other’s bodies all over again because it has been so long since they’ve just been able to take their time. He wants to be able to cook Adam a dinner that consists of more than ramen noodles or sandwiches. He wants to take Adam shopping and buy him something nice because it has been so long since Adam has gotten anything nice and that’s what he deserves.

He’s tired of being afraid that one day, he’ll come home to an empty apartment with a note on the refrigerator telling him goodbye, that Adam needs more than what Kris can give him. He holds his breath almost every time he walks in the apartment and expects something to be different or missing, and he always breathes a sigh of relief when he sees a costume prop from a play or an abandoned eyeliner pencil on the counter.

The bedroom door creaks open a while later and Kris hears the soft footsteps. The bed sinks down on the other end and he feels an arm around his waist, Adam’s warmth against his back. He hears the “I love you, baby,” Adam whispers every night, thinking Kris is asleep.

Kris can only drift off after hearing those words.

-

The coffee drips into the pot and Kris leans his forehead against the fridge, closing his eyes for a few stolen seconds of rest before the day begins. The sun peeks through the curtains, painting the room with an orange glow.

Kris hears the quiet footsteps padding across the kitchen before he feels the arms around his waist and the soft lips on the back of his neck. Without even opening his eyes, he turns in Adam’s embrace.

“It’s early,” he mumbles into the soft cotton of Adam’s shirt, still warm and rumpled from sleep. “Why are you up?”

Adam just holds him tighter, a little whine to his voice. “Cold without you.”

Kris smiles, his arms sliding around Adam’s waist, the two of them swaying back and forth in the middle of their tiny kitchen, like a dance. He lets himself forget about anything that exists outside of their embrace for just a moment.

And then the gurgle of the coffee pot brings him back to reality.

Kris pulls away and Adam makes an unhappy sound. He whispers into Kris’s ear, “Stay.”

“I have to go to work,” Kris tells him, turning around to pour himself some coffee.

Adam doesn’t want to take no for an answer. Kris feels him press up against his back, warm and solid and so tempting. “Just one day, baby. Call in sick.”

Kris slides out from where Adam has him trapped against the counter. “Adam, you know I--”

Adam slams a hand hard against the counter, startling Kris enough to make his coffee splash onto his hand, the hot liquid burning his skin.

“I’m so fucking _sick_ of this,” Adam shouts angrily, like he is a completely different person from the cuddly boy he was just a moment ago.

Kris goes over to the sink to run his hand under the cold water. “Are you insane?” Kris says. “What the hell are you even talking about?”

“I’m talking about _you_ , Kris,” Adam says, looking like he wants to scream. “I’m fucking sick of you working all of the time.”

Kris turns off the faucet, the burn still stinging. “Do you think I enjoy it?” he asks. “I’m sorry that I’m trying to help provide us with food and a roof over our heads.”

“That--” Adam takes a deep breath and exhales through his nose. “That’s all you care about every single day: work and money and bills. It’s like I don’t even matter anymore.”

“You know that’s not true. I wouldn’t work my ass off every day if you didn’t matter to me.”

Adam lets out a frustrated sound and tilts his head up, blinking several times. Kris knows it’s what Adam does when he’s trying not to cry.

“I’m not saying that you don’t love me anymore. I know you do, it’s just that I miss the old Kris. I miss the Kris that would skip class just to spend the day with me.”

Kris’s voice is soft now. “We’re not kids anymore,” he says. “I’m still me.”

“No, you’re not,” Adam says, tears brimming his eyes. Kris can see just how tired he is, the lines in the corners of his eyes. He no longer looks like the nineteen-year-old college boy Kris fell in love with. “When was the last time you picked up your guitar?”

Kris’s eyes flicker over to the corner where his guitar sits, abandoned, collecting dust. He can’t remember the last time his fingers got that itch to play

“I need to go,” Kris whispers.

Adam throws his hands up. “You see?” he says. “You’re not _you_ anymore. I want to be with the boy I’m in love with.”

Kris watches as Adam turns and goes to their bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Instead of going after him, he pours himself more coffee and leaves for work. Halfway there, he realizes that Adam is right.

The old Kris would’ve gone after him.

-

His mind is shit at work. Every couple of minutes his hand reaches for his phone, hoping that he missed the sound of a text; he never gets one.

 _i was wrong_ , he types out before deleting it. _i love you_ , but he deletes that as well.

 _don’t leave me_.

He saves that to his drafts.

-

When his phone finally does go off, it’s his mom.

“What’s wrong?” she asks, before he even gets the chance to finish saying hello. Kris wonders if he’ll ever have this kind of intuition when he and Adam have kids someday; he hopes he will.

Kris stares at the blank computer screen, fiddling with the pen in his hand. “Things aren’t good, mama.”

He tells her about the fight, the long hours, how their cupboards are scarce of food. He’s been keeping a lot of things from her because he knows she’ll worry but today, he tells her everything.

His mom sighs. “First of all, I am sending you a gift card with some money on it so you and Adam can buy groceries. I can’t have my boys going hungry, okay?”

Kris smiles for the first time today. “Thank you.”

“And Kristopher, what are you thinking letting work come between the two of you?” she says. “That boy is absolutely crazy about you and would give you the moon if it were possible. I know your job is important and you need the money, but it’s not everything. What you have with Adam is worth far more than your job.”

Kris tries to swallow the lump in his throat. It’s hard to remember when his life became so consumed with work. They weren’t always like this: just last year, they were so happy when they finally moved into their one-bedroom apartment. It was finally just the two of them and it didn’t matter that they were dirt poor but because they were together.

“You’re only twenty-three, sweetie,” she says. “You don’t need to be carrying all of this on your shoulders. You have your father and me, and you have Leila and Eber. We’re more than happy to help the two of you out however we can.”

Kris leans forward in his desk and buries his fingers in his hair. “I know you want to help, but I just…” he sighs. “I want Adam to know that I can take care of him.”

“He knows that, honey,” she says. “I’ve known Adam for a long time now and I know that he wouldn’t want you killing yourself at work. He’d want you with him and to be happy.”

His eyes start to burn and he wipes at them with the palm of his hands.

“Thank you, mama.”

-

Kris comes home later that evening and there are candles lit, failing to mask the odor of the weed Adam must’ve smoked earlier in the day. He hears some clinking sounds coming from the kitchen and it smells like something is cooking. It makes him think of their first morning in this apartment when Adam cooked for the first time, waking Kris up with a tray of overcooked eggs and sausage links that were still a little cold in the middle.

Kris ate every bite, and then they spent the rest of the day in bed having sex and cuddling.

Adam looks up at him as he enters the kitchen, pouring a spoonful of macaroni and cheese into a bowl. There is another bowl already on the counter for Kris.

They don’t talk throughout dinner, but instead sneak quick glances at each other when they think the other isn’t looking. Kris keeps opening his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. Adam finishes eating but doesn’t move, just scraping his fork along the bottom of the bowl. Kris can tell he’s waiting.

“I love you,” Kris finally says because ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t feel like enough. Adam’s eyes flicker up and there is a newly lit spark in them. “I love you even more now than I did when I was eighteen. I didn’t even know it was possible to feel this way, like this permanent _thing_ inside of me that’s only for you and I just know that it will always be there.”

Adam only stares at him.

“The only thing I could think about all day was losing you over this. I almost texted you not to leave me, just in case,” he says, feeling a little stupid. “I even talked to my mom and she made me realize how big of an idiot I have been.”

Kris pushes his chair out and walks around the table, kneeling in front of Adam and taking both of his hands. “A few months ago when I got really sick, you took two days off of work to take care of me. You knew it would mean no food for that week, but that didn’t matter because I needed you. And now you needed me and I didn’t stay,” he squeezes Adam’s hands. “I’m so sorry, babe.”

Adam pulls Kris up until he’s on his lap and runs his finger along Kris’s jaw. “I’m not mad at you; I just miss you all the time. Even when we’re together, it feels like you’re preoccupied or too tired. It’s like you’re pushing me away.”

Kris looks down at him, running the back of his fingers along Adam’s cheek. “I think I’m just scared.”

Adam tilts his chin up for a kiss. “Scared of what?” he asks. “Baby, talk to me.”

“That you’ll leave me,” Kris admits. “I’m afraid to come home one day and you won’t be there. That someday you’ll get sick of all this and leave me because you won’t want this anymore.” He rests his forehead against Adam’s and closes his eyes. “You’re all I have.”

Adam’s hand comes up to the back of his neck and presses their mouths together. “You’re an idiot, Kris,” he says, leaning in to kiss him again. “You’re a fucking idiot. I don’t give a shit where we live or how much money we have. All I want is you and that is all I’ve wanted since I was nineteen. Nothing else matters.”

They fall into another kiss. Adam’s mouth is warm and his hands are strong on Kris’s back, touching him exactly the way he’s needed for weeks. They make it to the bedroom eventually and there is nothing else in the world but the two of them. He takes his time with Adam’s body, kissing and touching every inch of skin. It feels a little like falling in love all over again.

Early the next morning, with Adam’s head resting on his shoulder and their legs tangled, Kris is reminded of all those mornings waking up just like this on that small dorm room bed.

He calls in sick for the next two days and they take a trip to San Diego to see their puppy.


End file.
